She is behaving normally for a 4-year. It is your reaction and handling of these sorts of normal behaviours that will help to shape who she becomes as she matures.
Since there are many, many strategies and nuances for dealing with this sort of parenting situation, I would strongly recommend that you buy or borrow and read: ';The Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder';.
This book is absolutely outstanding for handling defiance in children - even if it is not a disorder but just a stage of development for your little one (like, most likely, in your instance).
In the meantime, exercise patience, consistency and always remember that you can parent her and teach without hitting her.
*Edit*
Hitting your child for experiencing a stage of normal development, starving her, grounding her (she's 4!) or depriving her ... or any of the myriad of ludicrous advice left here by people who either don't have children or should never had had children, are all bad ideas and potentially damaging especially without some close-to-reasonable parenting skills and a plan. This is up to you - the adult - to fix, not up to a 4-year old.
Please don't hit your 4-year old for simply being 4!I have a kid of 4yrs old. i need to control her temper.it is always her wants be the upper hand .she is bossy?
I have an almost-four year old daughter. I think it must be the age-they want to be the Alpha Female in the house or something. For the attitude and mouthing-off, spankings don't work for my daughter. I've tried- it didn't accomplish anything. I took away toys, treats, privileges, etc. I told her in a firm voice that she must use her manners, and when she doesn't, she loses her toy or getting to go outside that day or watching Clifford- something that means something to her. She also has to lay in the bed alone for 5-10 minutes everytime she mouths off. I also try to ';catch'; her doing good and being polite. Sticker reward charts motivate her to do good. I guess it's just seeing the evidence that she's been well-behaved helps her.
Also, (and I thought my mom was crazy when she first told me this), pay attention to how you speak to your daughter. I've noticed that my daughter is often repeating the phrases- or especially tone of voice- that I use with her when I'm disciplining her. It's not ok, but sometimes kids are just honestly mimicking what they hear. So, it may just be a thing of her copying what you say and not realizing that you're the parent, she's the child. You just have to teach her that it's not ok.
If your child bad mouths you. You need to nip that in the bud fast and quickly. as that child will become worse when she gets older OK?
You need to tell her NO and mean it. If she wants something you don't want her to have. If she misbehaves and tells you off time to tell her don't talk to me this way I am your mom or dad. Whoever is talking to her. If she persists on acting bad mouthed. Then a good spanking is necessary. And then sent her to her room and tell her to stay there until You say she can come out. If she comes out of the room tell her to march back in that room Now or you will get another spanking. Show you mean Business. A going to her bedroom when she is bad.. tell her she needs time out.. and that is one way she will learn you mean business and not fooling around.
Spanking is one thing. And it helps displicine the child. But beating is different. As there is a difference between beating and spanking. As one is not abusing the situation where one is. And spanking is not abusing any situation but correcting her /him to behave and act right.
Another idea.. is start taking things away she loves to play with. Put it in a box and somewhere she can't find it. she will get the hint.. she will not have that item until she starts behaving.
If you go to the store and she wants something.. tell her straight out NO!!! say when I see some improvements of you behaving.. maybe then I will start buying you things.
If she was my child. She would not have that attitude long. As she would not get nothing from me.. and get a spankings a lot. My parents were brought up the old ways.. and brought me up the old fashion ways. I had a old thick ruler and willow tree switch used on me. And even one of those old barber straps too. and I only got it when I was bad too. Not to often I misbehaved after a few treatments of those. Ouch!!! they sure did hurt. My pride was hurt and mostly feelings.
And no special treats until she /he shows that they earned that right also. An no going over to play other kids until she learns respecting Dad and Mom either. she can be grounded from activities until she behaves herself.
And if she gives you this crap about Child Protective Service crap. Then tell her ..if she wants to go somewhere else or to adoptive place where she will not be treated right there.. go right ahead.
And if she does do that.. the Child Protective Service crap. Start buying her hand me downs. None of these better things she may have. Like clothes or shoes.. etc. Go to dollar store or something like that. Or walmart. Something less expensive. And when she ask for something better say nope. I may have to buy you things but I do not have to give you things you want. And clothes. Tell her/him if she wants to have her/him
clothes clean. Better behave.. or they will not be done. And food. Give her the things you want her to have.. not the things she /he wants. Always solutions behind those kids who act naughty. And just remember December is coming soon. Maybe Santa Claus will not give her nothing for presents .. and give her a piece of black coal this year huh?? Hope these options helped you. I think this year No presents this year I think for her Christmas. She /he does not deserve it one bit. I may seem tough. But you have to OK? Even if she misbehaves those options any way will help the situation if Child protection services are not a option. Good luck!! Know you will need it.
Set down rules and consequences and BE CONSISTENT. Try to keep them simple and make sure the consequences are easy for you to implement so you are not punishing yourself.
Make absolutely certain that you NEVER lose your own temper when dealing with her. Showing her that losing your temper is a way to act will validate her current misbehavior.
i'm shocked that so many people are resorting to spanking. i use 1,2,3 Magic and it is magic. there's a book that explains that process and it's extremely effective. i have 3 kids all 4 and under and it works.
count 1 - warning
count 2 - warning
count 3 - timeout (1 minutes for each year of age) i set a timer and my kids turn it off when the timeout is over. even my 2 year old does this. the first time may be difficult. you can put her in her room and hold the door shut. trust me, she won't like it. also, don't talk to the child while they are on timeout. just ignore them - no matter how loud they get. kids hate being ignored.
Your the boss!!!! You need to let her know that! I don't believe in hitting...but maybe punishing. So if she/he doesn't listen, send her/him to her/his room, and if she/he still does not listen just start putting up his/her favorite toys and keeping them until the child decides that they are going to listen.
It is normal for a child to be bossy! All children think that they are right no matter what. You just have to think of a way to show them that it is ok to be wrong. Idk how you would do that but I hope this helps! :)
Four year olds tend toward bossiness. A lot of it is control. You can try go give her more control by offering her two acceptable alternatives when possible (i.e., would you like green beans or carrots with lunch/do you want to wear a red skirt or a yellow dress). That way, she feels like she's getting some control over the way things are.
That said, you are the adult. Don't let her tell you what to do. I don't respond when I don't like the way kids talk to me. They've learned to ask for things rather than tell me because otherwise they get no response.
I have a 3 year old brother and I mostly take care of him. To be a good parent always try to be patient. Give her treats if she behaves and tell her what she did wrong after she calms down. If you try to argue the it only can get worse.....believe me! Tell her which role she has to play and which role you have. Always talk with a firm voice and never hesitate.....it will show her your weakness. If she still is rude, give her a time-out of 3 1/2 min, but no longer because she won't care after a period. It is very important to be good friends with your chil, so go to the park or play with her. It will help your relation. I hope that this will help you.
I have 2 daughters. What you have to do is when she gets out of control, you have to warn her that you are going to spank her if she doesnt listen. then, when you spank her, you have to make it sting really bad. trust me. she wont act up for a a while, then she will test you again within a week. you need to do the same thing again. remember, it has to sting or your wasting your time. she will listen. trust me, it works. make it sting.
just ignore her when she's in her 'mood' once she gets to see that her little attitude isn't getting her anywhere, she'll be a bit nicer. but maker her KNOW that YOU are the decision maker. YOU are the parent.. you are letting your child parent you while doing these things. that is NOT a good thing....once you let her walk over you, and do it agian, she'll figure out how to keep doing it...and eventually you will have no say at all because she'll have been doing this for so long, that she doesn't care what you think about what she does. you need to take charge of her immediately. if she needs a spanking, do it! put her in time out. when she starts getting into a tantrum (if you can tell when its coming on.) make her sit on the couch, no TV, radio-NOTHING. and do NOT let her get up until she knows that she will be able to behave more calmly. stick her nose in a corner until she learns that what she's doing isn't acceptable. you have to find whats right for her punishment. she's your child, you need to take charge.
X3
This may sound stupid, but watch super nanny, it may sound silly but just try. You have to be consistent in whatever you do. For example if you say she's in time out, leave her in time out and make sure she stays there, then when she's out of time out make sure she knows why she was there. When your disicplining her get down to her level to talk to her. Just some tips
when she does that keel down to her level and firmly explain to her that you are the parent and the Adult in the house and that she can't be tell you how to speak to her and that she needs to respect you and listen to what ever you say and not to tell you haw she wants things and that she has to remember to behave herself and she can't rule you and that she has to do what you tell her to do if she doesn't listen to you give her two warnings the first time she doesn't listen to you let her know that she won't be able to play if you have to remind her put her in time out for five minutes when you take her to time out explain to her what she did wrong and then walk away from her then when her five minutes are up go to her and explain to her again what she did wrong and warn her that if she does again she'll have to go in bed until she is ready to listen to you and follow your directions
will this kind of behaviour is common in kids so nothing to worry but ya u have to controlle this coz otherwise it can ber permanent behaviour. u can tell her this kind of behaviour is not accepted in the society.
dont encourage her behaviou.
if u will call her bossy in front of her it will encourage her to be more bossy. and one more thing never say ur child is bossy to other kids or ppl, coz then those ppl wl start calling her bossy (may be in front of u or may be ehind ur back) this will result in dangerour behaviour.
(if u have other kids then u can tell them to say no to her behaviour n report this thing to u).
try n ignore her behaviou coz children do this to get attention. pay more attention to her in general not wen she is acting bossy. if she acts bossy just make a small good excuse that u will listen to her, tell this excuse very politely to her n then pretend to forget to talk. asnwer her right away wen she ask thing in polite n gud manner.
then explain her that if ur way of telling and acting will be gud we wl answer ur questions very fast.
all this thing u have to do politely coz beating can do nothing except damage in long run.
last not the leat god forbid dont feel shy in taking medical advise if need coz it is the future of ur kid not a joke.
When a child directly defies you...
Turn them around.
Bend them over your knee.
Raise your hand up in the air.
Swing it down forcefully until your hand hits their buttocks.
If this does not work - start over.
I have 5 kids. 5! You only need to spank a few times when they directly defy you and you'll never need to again.
You need to be firm with her, and never, ever let her get away with that. Talk to her pediatrician, she may need some kind of play therapy to learn how to not be so bossy. If you don't nip this in the bud now, you're going to have a much harder time as she gets older. Good luck!
teach her that your in charge and youll make the rules first give her a talk about the rules the if that doesnt work give her a warning then out her i time out then a spanking then a talk with both parents and a luxury taken away (im not a mom only an aunt)
She needs a good smack across the mouth. My mom did it. It will keep her in check. Don't feel bad about spanking her. Think about this. Wouldn't you rather teach her how to behave now, then to have the police/society teach her later?
stop paying attention to her and do when she talks to you correctly. thats what my mom would do to my brother. but if you bloat about ur attention you'll just **** her off. go to barnes n noble an buy one of them 'parenting skills' books. they shood work
YOU HAVE TO SHOW HER YOU ARE THE BOSS.
IGNORE HER LITTLE DRAMAS,
AND WHEN SHE CALMS DOWN THEN SPEAK TO HER WITH AUTHORITY.
ALSO TAKE AWAY ANYTHING THING SHE LOVES.
TILL SHE CHANGES HER ATTITUDE
Grounding does wonders. Once she realizes that you control what she does and what she doesn't do, she should start to listen(better)
Even if you cant bear it, she needs a good spanking. Show her YOU are the boss. If you let it go on she'll grow up to be bitchy
You let her know you are the mother...father?
And by the way, don't hit your kid.
These people are crazy.
don't talk to her much.
you gotta keep your pimp hand strong
a good smack on the *** will shut her up..
No comments:
Post a Comment